Why You Can't Teach a Dysregulated Brain (and why it was never your fault)

Embodied Educators Series | 3 Rivers Counselling

If you’ve ever walked into your classroom and thought:

“I cannot teach right now — they’re already gone,”you’re not imagining it.And you’re not failing.

What you’re experiencing isn’t a classroom management problem.It’s a nervous system problem — yours, theirs, the whole room.And once you understand that, everything starts to make sense.

1. The Classroom Moment You Know in Your Body

It’s early afternoon.Your shoulders have crept toward your ears.You didn't get to the washroom during prep.You’ve still got photocopies waiting, an unanswered email from the office, and the quiet hum of anxiety that you’re already behind.

One student hasn’t settled since the playground incident.Another is bubbling over with chatter.A third is silent, withdrawn, staring down at their desk.

You’re caught between:

• “If I don’t get started, we’ll fall behind,” and

• “If I push them, it’s going to blow up.”

And beneath all of it:My own body doesn’t feel regulated enough to hold this room.

That truth is not a weakness.It is biology doing its job under pressure.

2. Why This Feels Impossible: The Polyvagal Lens

Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory explains that all humans — including children and teachers — have a built-in surveillance system called neuroception.It constantly asks (without words):

“Am I safe enough to learn, connect, and think clearly?”

If the answer is no, the nervous system automatically shifts into survival mode, activating:

• Fight/flight (restless, argumentative, fast speech, noise)

• Freeze (shutdown, blank stare, “won’t respond”)

• Fawn (over-compliance, caretaking, people-pleasing)

This isn’t defiance.It’s the autonomic nervous system protecting the body from overwhelm.

Neuroscience backs this up: Under stress, the prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain responsible for attention, working memory, problem-solving, and self-control — goes offline.

You literally cannot teach a student in a dysregulated state.And you can’t teach from one either.

3. The Part No One Tells Teachers

You were never just managing a classroom.You were always regulating a community of nervous systems.

But no one gave you the language for that.No one told you that what looks like “behaviour” is often a body in survival mode.No one said that your exhaustion is not a character flaw — it’s the cost of being the regulation hub for 20+ developing brains.

And no policy, behaviour chart, or new consequence system changes that.

4. So What Do We Do Instead?

We shift from control to co-regulation.Not “how do I get them to listen?”But “how do we bring the nervous system back into a state where learning is possible?”

Here are three tools that don’t ask you to work harder — they help the body do what it’s wired for: settle, connect, regulate.

TOOL 1: The Doorway Check-In (Mind-Body Version)

Not a “How are you?” (that pulls for a polite answer).A play-based interoception practice that helps students scan their bodies and name their internal state without pressure or self-disclosure.

Try:

• “What weather are you walking in today?”

• “Are you turtle-body, cheetah-body, or golden retriever-body?”

• “Classic cheese pizza or fully loaded toppings mood?”

Why it works:Students connect imagination + sensation → they learn to feel themselves, not just behave themselves.This is interoception + co-regulation + relational safety in 12 seconds.

It teaches:

“Your inner world matters here, and we start together.”

TOOL 2: The Split-Room Rhythm Reset

Instead of “quiet down,” try this group nervous-system sync:

1. Divide the class into 2 groups

2. Group A: gentle palm rubbing (warm friction, grounding)

3. Group B: fingertip tapping on desks (steady, predictable beat)

4. You set the tempo — around 60–70 bpm, resting heart rate range

5. Switch roles after 20 seconds

Why it works:Rhythm is a regulation language older than words.Predictable patterned sound recruits the ventral vagal system (Porges) and helps bodies shift out of chaos without shame, threat, or control.

Bonus: Kids get hooked because it feels good.

TOOL 3: The Teacher Micro-Reset Before Instruction

Before giving directions, you pause — 5 seconds.

• Drop your shoulders

• Unclench your jaw

• One slow exhale

• Then speak

Why it works:Your nervous system leads; theirs follows.Co-regulation is not a metaphor — it’s biology.(The Social Engagement System literally links breath, face, voice, and heart rate.)

When you settle, you broadcast it to 20 bodies:

“We’re okay enough to learn now.”

That is classroom leadership through nervous system literacy.

5. What Changes When You Teach the Body First?

• Fewer power struggles

• More eyes on you without demanding it

• Less “shut down” and more gradual re-entry

• Students become partners in regulation, not problems to fix

• You stop burning yourself out trying to “hold the room by force”

And slowly, the classroom becomes something school rarely feels like:human-sized.

Closing

There is nothing wrong with you, and there is nothing wrong with them.What you’re seeing isn’t a failure of teaching — it’s a nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do under stress.

You don’t need another behaviour chart or stronger consequences.You need the neuroscience of safety and connection in your hands.

If this post made more sense in your body than in your brain,you’re exactly where you need to be.

Learning begins with regulation — and we can build that,one rhythm, one pause, one shared breath at a time.

🔍 References

• Porges, S. W. (2022). Polyvagal Theory: A Science of Safety. Frontiers in Integrative Neuroscience.

• Dana, D. (2018). The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. Norton.

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About the Author

Brittany Rickett, Bachelor of Education, MA in Counselling Psychology, CCC, CCS LCT

Brittany Rickett, MA, LCT, CCS, is a licensed therapist and the Clinic Director of 3 Rivers Counselling in St. Stephen, New Brunswick. With over a decade of experience in education before moving into clinical work, Brittany brings a grounded, compassionate approach to therapy that blends neuroscience with evidence-based modalities. She integrates EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Somatic work and Polyvagal-informed practices, supporting clients through trauma, stress, and life transitions.