Growth Mindset for Overwhelmed Parents: How to Support Big Feelings in Kids (and Yourself)
- Brittany Rickett
- Oct 23
- 4 min read
Parenting Kids with Big Emotions Is Brave Work
Let’s be real: parenting a child with big emotions—especially when ADHD, autism, or sensory sensitivities are in the mix—is exhausting and often overwhelming.
If you're reading this, you may already be deep in the trenches of parenting through meltdowns, sensory overload, emotional outbursts, or school resistance. And if you’re anything like many of the parents I work with, you’re probably overstimulated too—juggling schedules, guilt, and your own nervous system that’s on high alert.
But what if one small shift—a mindset shift—could bring more breathing room into these tough moments?
Let’s talk about how growth mindset tools can support both you and your child, especially when emotions run high.
What Is a Growth Mindset?
In her groundbreaking research, psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck identified two core belief systems about learning and ability:
A fixed mindset assumes that intelligence, personality, or talent is unchangeable.
A growth mindset believes that with effort, support, and strategies, we can grow and develop new skills—even in tough moments.
For kids with big emotions or neurodivergent brains, adopting a growth mindset helps shift from “I’m bad at this” to “I’m learning how to do this.” And for you as a parent, it helps you stop aiming for perfect parenting and start embracing progress over perfection.
1. Your Brain (and Theirs) Is Malleable
Want to empower your child? Talk about the brain!
Brains aren’t fixed—they’re constantly building new connections. When we practice a skill, notice a pattern, or try again after failing, our brains grow.
🧠 Try This at Home:
Watch a kid-friendly video like Your Fantastic Elastic Brain or The Power of Yet on YouTube.
Say: “Your brain is learning every time you try—even when it’s hard. That’s your brain getting stronger!”
2. Normalize Mistakes — For Yourself and Your Child
Mistakes aren’t failures—they’re feedback. But for kids with ADHD or big feelings, mistakes often trigger shame.
That’s where you come in. Model how to handle setbacks with compassion.
🎯 Try This:
Instead of saying “Don’t worry, that’s not a big deal,” say:“Wow, that was tough. I know it’s hard when things don’t go the way we hope. Let’s take a breath and try again.”
When you mess up (we all do), name it:“I yelled earlier because I was overstimulated. I’m working on taking space when I feel overwhelmed.”
This helps your child learn: mistakes are safe, and repair is possible.
3. Emotions and Learning Go Hand in Hand
When kids (or adults) are flooded with emotion, they literally can’t access their thinking brain. That’s not defiance—it’s biology.
Using tools to regulate the nervous system is foundational to supporting learning, flexibility, and emotional growth.
🌬️ Tool: Cookie Breathing
Imagine you are holding a tray of your favourite cookies right out of the oven. They are too hot, but you are so excited!
Take a big breath in through your nose so you can smell how yummy they are!
Blow out through your mouth and cool them down.
Practice this a few times together - try making up a new story to go with the breathing.
Do this with your child—or practice it yourself while brushing your teeth, driving, or before responding to a meltdown.
When kids see you use regulation tools, they’re more likely to try them too.
4. Praise the Process, Not the Outcome
Kids who hear “You’re so smart!” may become afraid of failure—because they think being smart means getting things right immediately.
🛠️ Instead, try phrases like:
“You really stuck with that even when it got frustrating.”
“I noticed how you calmed yourself down before asking for help. That’s amazing progress.”
“You worked really hard on finding words for that feeling.”
This kind of praise builds resilience, persistence, and self-esteem.
5. Model Coachability and Curiosity
Children learn more from what we do than what we say.
Start using the language of growth mindset in your everyday parenting:
“I don’t know yet, but I’m learning.”
“That didn’t work the way I thought. Let’s try another way.”
“Let’s take a break and come back to this when we’re calm.”
Even better: tell your child, “You helped me learn something new today.”
6. Be Gentle with Your Own Mindset
Many parents I work with have ADHD themselves—or have nervous systems that are always “on.” Growth mindset isn’t about doing more or pushing harder.
It’s about remembering: you and your child are always growing, adapting, learning. Even when it doesn’t look tidy.
🌿 Tool for You:At the end of the day, ask yourself:
What is something I did differently today?
What helped me stay grounded—even for a moment?
What can I try tomorrow with a fresh lens?
You’re not falling behind. You’re doing the hard, slow, beautiful work of raising a child with big emotions—while tending to your own.
Final Thought
If this resonates with you, know this: you're not alone. Parenting a child with big feelings takes a resilient, regulated, and supported adult. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to stay in the process.
Let growth—not perfection—be your guide.
Our team at 3 Rivers Counselling offers parent coaching, family therapy, and nervous-system-informed support to help your household feel more connected, calm, and confident.
Virtual across Canada
Specialized support for ADHD, big emotions, neurodivergence, and more
About the Author
Brittany Rickett, Bachelor of Education, MA in Counselling Psychology, CCC, CCS LCT
Brittany Rickett, MA, LCT, CCS, is a licensed therapist and the Clinic Director of 3 Rivers Counselling in St. Stephen, New Brunswick. With over a decade of experience in education before moving into clinical work, Brittany brings a grounded, compassionate approach to therapy that blends neuroscience with evidence-based modalities. She integrates EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Somatic work and Polyvagal-informed practices, supporting clients through trauma, stress, and life transitions.
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