What Often Sits Underneath the Questions Couples rarely come in arguing about what they think they’re arguing about. On the surface, it might be: how often you spend time together how things get done around the house how one of you speaks during conflict But underneath, there’s often something else: Do I matter to you? Can I count on you? Are we okay? Those questions don’t always get spoken directly. They tend to show up in patterns instead. Why communication breaks down (eve