When Your Thoughts Boss You Around: How to Unhook with Cognitive Defusion
- Brittany Rickett
- 2 hours ago
- 3 min read
Have you ever noticed how your brain can sound like a bossy know-it-all?
“You can’t handle this.”
“If you don’t do it perfectly, you’ll fail.”
“Everyone will think you’re weak.”
"You're not good enough."
"Everyone is judging you right now."
When these thoughts show up, they don’t just float by. They hook you. Suddenly, you’re believing them, reacting to them, and maybe even organizing your whole day around avoiding what they predict.
In ACT, this is called cognitive fusion—when thoughts and beliefs are so fused with reality that they feel like absolute truth. Fusion makes it hard to see options, take risks, or choose actions that matter to you.
The antidote? Cognitive defusion: the skill of noticing thoughts as just words and mental events, not commands or facts.
When we are experiencing cognitive fusion it's like we are stuck inside a darkened helmet with our thoughts and we can't see outside of it. When we can 'defuse' from our thoughts, it's like we can take off the helmet and hold the thought away from us on the palm of our hand and examine it. We are no longer 'breathing it's oxygen'.
What Cognitive Defusion Is (and Isn’t)
Defusion doesn’t mean “positive thinking” or “getting rid of negative thoughts.” Instead, it helps you:
Create distance between you and your thoughts.
See them for what they are—strings of words, images, or sounds.
Choose how to respond instead of automatically obeying.
Research shows defusion strategies reduce the believability and emotional impact of negative thoughts. In one study, people who practiced repeating a self-critical thought in a silly voice reported feeling less hooked by it (Masuda et al., 2009).
Why This Matters if You Feel Stuck
When you’re fused with thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never cope”, your world shrinks. You might avoid opportunities, withdraw from people, or hold yourself back.
Defusion gives you breathing room. You still hear the thought, but you’re no longer yanked around by it. That space makes it easier to move toward your values, even while your mind keeps chattering.
A Simple Tool: The Silly Voice Technique
I know these might feel oversimplified, and silly. There might be a part of you that immediately thinks,'this can't work!'. But these techniques are backed by evidence and they can be truly powerful.
Some brains (mine included) race through these types of thoughts so quickly, that when you start to explore cognitive defusion, you have a hard time even catching that a thought popped in and out.
These types of thoughts can flash through our minds at lightening speed. And, our body reacts instantly. So, the tight belly, tense shoulders, urge to remove yourself from a situation is taking over, before you even recognize you 'had a thought'.
For brains like this, the first step can be to look at a list of thoughts and notice which one you have a response to. These are often the ones that hook us! Try using the list below:
Try this short practice when a bossy thought shows up:
Catch the Thought
Notice a familiar unhelpful thought, like: “I can’t do this.”
Say It Out Loud
Repeat the phrase slowly, once or twice.
Change the Voice
Now say it again in a cartoon voice (Mickey Mouse, Darth Vader, a robot).
Or sing it to the tune of “Happy Birthday.”
Notice What Happens
Does it feel lighter? Less serious? Less like the ultimate truth?
The thought may still be there—but with less grip. You can see it as just words your mind is producing, not as a rule you must follow.
Putting It Together
Defusion is like putting your thoughts on a stage: they can perform, but you don’t have to believe every line. Over time, practicing these techniques helps you recognize that you are not your thoughts—you’re the one who notices them.
If you often feel trapped by looping or critical thoughts, ACT therapy offers practical tools to help you unhook and move forward. Reach out to one of our therapists to explore how ACT might support you in creating more space from your mind and more freedom in your life.
About the Author
Brittany Rickett, Bachelor of Education, MA in Counselling Psychology, CCC, CCS LCT
Brittany Rickett, MA, LCT, CCS, is a licensed therapist and the Clinic Director of 3 Rivers Counselling in St. Stephen, New Brunswick. With over a decade of experience in education before moving into clinical work, Brittany brings a grounded, compassionate approach to therapy that blends neuroscience with evidence-based modalities. She integrates EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Somatic work and Polyvagal-informed practices, supporting clients through trauma, stress, and life transitions.