Stop Fighting Your Feelings: How Acceptance Can Help You Find Your Footing (More coping tools for anxiety from the Hexaflex)

Brittany Rickett
Oct 13
4 min read

a pair of boxing gloves laying on the ground act as a metaphor for the way we often fight or resist our emotions. In ACT we learn to accept and make space for difficult feelings. — Rather than fighting, in ACT we learn it's possible to drop the gloves!

When anxiety or sadness shows up, most of us try to get rid of it. We fight, push it down, reason with it, or distract ourselves until we’re exhausted.

But here’s the paradox: the more we struggle to control or avoid our feelings, the stronger they often get. Psychologists call this the “paradox of control”—the harder you try to control your inner experiences, the more power they seem to have over you.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers another way: acceptance. That doesn’t mean liking, wanting, or approving of pain! It means using some specific strategies to make room for your emotions as they are, so you can stop fighting yourself and start moving toward what matters.

What Acceptance Really Means in ACT

Acceptance in ACT is about dropping the rope in the tug-of-war with your emotions.

When you’re busy struggling not to feel anxious, angry, or sad, your life shrinks. You miss conversations, avoid opportunities, or disconnect from people because you’re so busy managing discomfort.

Instead, ACT teaches you to open up to emotions—because they’re part of being human—while still taking actions that align with your values. As we learn to open up, we begin to develop a new confidence in our ability to handle what comes up. At first it often feels pretty scary - like a dam about to break, or Pandora's box opening. The worry people often share is, 'what if I can't handle it' or 'what if the emotions won't stop, once I let them out'.

Research consistently shows that emotional avoidance predicts greater anxiety, depression, and distress, while acceptance-based interventions improve well-being across conditions like chronic pain, trauma, and mood disorders (Twohig & Levin, 2017). And I see this everyday in my practice with clients too.

In other words, acceptance doesn’t just make us feel better—it helps us live better.

Why This Matters If You Feel Stuck

If you’ve ever felt “stuck” because you can’t stop feeling anxious, guilty, or angry, you’re not alone. Many clients tell me:

“I just want this feeling to go away before I can move forward.”

But waiting for feelings to disappear before living your life keeps you trapped. ACT offers this truth:

Feelings may stay.
Thoughts may come back.
And you can still choose what matters next.

A Simple Tool: The “Making Room” Exercise

A woman sitting cross legged in her living room taking some deep breathes. In ACT we practice mindful breathing as a way to make space for difficult emotions and thoughts. — Taking a few deep breaths. Exploring where you feel tension (or stickiness). Breathing in to anything that feels tight. Visualizing your breath making more space inside you.

This short practice helps you soften the fight with your feelings so you can move through them, not around them:

Notice the Emotion
- Pause and name what’s here: “There’s anxiety” or “I’m feeling anger in my chest.”
Locate It in the Body
- Where do you feel it most? Your throat, chest, stomach?
Breathe Into It
- Imagine your breath flowing gently into and around the sensation.
Create Space
- As you breathe, picture the feeling as a shape or color. With each inhale, give it just a little more room to be there.
- I like to use the image of a fog or a mist making its' way through our body, and beginning to soften the edges of the tension inside us. Let the fog find a tight spot, and slowly seep in, softening it as we continue to breathe.
Offer Kindness
- Silently say: “It’s okay to feel this. I don’t have to like it, but I can make room for it.”

This doesn’t erase the feeling—but it often takes away the exhausting struggle around it, leaving you more energy for what you care about.

Putting It Together

Acceptance in ACT isn’t passive. It’s an active choice to stop pouring your energy into fighting your feelings so you can put that energy toward living your life.

Anxiety shows up? Bring it with you on the walk you care about taking.
Guilt shows up? Let it ride along while you call the friend you’ve been missing.

As ACT founder Steven Hayes often says, “The point isn’t to feel better. The point is to feel better.”

If these ideas resonate and you’re curious about how ACT therapy could help you stop fighting your feelings and start living more fully, reach out to one of our therapists. Together, we can explore whether this approach is the right fit for you.

Brittany Rickett - Clinic Director at 3 Rivers Counselling writes about ACT, EMDR and Somatic therapy to help people understand the types of therapeutic tools available. — 3 Rivers Counselling - Everybody needs a little support

About the Author

Brittany Rickett, Bachelor of Education, MA in Counselling Psychology, CCS, LCT

Brittany Rickett, MA, LCT, CCS, is a licensed therapist and the Clinic Director of 3 Rivers Counselling in St. Stephen, New Brunswick. With over a decade of experience in education before moving into clinical work, Brittany brings a grounded, compassionate approach to therapy that blends neuroscience with evidence-based modalities. She integrates EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Somatic work and Polyvagal-informed practices, supporting clients through trauma, stress, and life transitions.